Up two and a half pounds again this week. I just don’t think this is working for me. I’m not getting the promised results everybody else seems to get. I hit or am under my calorie goal every day, my macros are superb, but progress is slow-to-non-existent.

How long til I give up? Place your bets.


It’s Normal

It’s a new day, and now I’m all read up on Post Induction Stall Syndrome. So, gaining in week 3 or 4 (this was week 4) is pretty standard and expected and I will stay the course on keto. I guess I was blindsided because I didn’t think this thing that happens to everyone who does keto applied to ME! 😉 Ha!

The interesting thing about PISS, (nice name, eh?) is that if you do a google search almost every result is a keto message board. There are not really any pages explaining it, just lots of conversations about it all over reddit and the Atkins bulletin boards. Not even a wikipedia entry.

Anyway, I am not going to change anything. A lot of the message boards suggest taking measurements in order to continue seeing a change, but for my frame, a couple of pounds one way or another is certainly not going to show up in measurements, so that’s kind of a pointless exercise. I will “keep calm and keto on,” as recommended. My first month results are a loss of 8 pounds, which is perfectly respectable for any program.

Keto Stops Working. As Expected.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I didn’t think it would last. This week I’m up 2.5 pounds. It appears that the thing where my body stops responding to weight loss attempts has happened again. People get really explain-y to me when this happens, as if their theoretical diet knowledge trumps my years of experience with my body (and years of diet knowledge). Losing 200 pounds and working through diet after diet after diet to keep it off leaves an impact on the metabolism. Not a good one.

MyFitnessPal is probably sure I’m cheating on it by not entering everything I’m eating, but that is not the case. I had a slight wobble on Saturday, but otherwise I followed the program religiously and stayed in ketosis –  following a diet and exercise program is one thing I’m really good at. So here we are, 4 weeks in, and keto has stopped working. I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

I’m not sure what happens next.


I got on the scale today to see how I’m doing getting those 5 vacation pounds off. First it flashed the same exact weight as last week, then it grudgingly flashed its final answer: Down a pound.

Damn. I expected two or three, because that’s what a normal result would be. I drastically changed my eating and cleaned it up – no cheats or treats this week. I drastically increased my exercise (from zero to daily, but not all they way back up to pre-vacation levels due to the cold I also got on vacation). All that for a measly, grudging pound.

I guess my previous goal of losing those vacation pounds in two weeks needs to be revised. It looks like I’ll be lucky to lose them in 5 weeks.

In case you were wondering, this is what a broken metabolism looks like. I have no doubt that my lifetime of dieting, then gaining, then dropping again have completely fucked my metabolism and now dropping anything at all is going to be a grand struggle. But, as always, what other choice do I have but to keep shoving that boulder up this mountain? I guess simultaneously work on loving and accepting my body as it is now. As it has become through all these years of trying to figure out how to keep and maintain it.

I know less now than I ever have. Don’t ask me for weight loss advice, it’s clear I don’t know shit, and what I’ve done not only hasn’t worked long-term, but has screwed things up beyond repair.

Week 4 Numbers: More Data Acquired. Dammit.

I stayed on target all week, no slips or eating off-plan, as I expect of myself. I had 50 servings of fruits/veggies. I had 37 meal replacements. I burned 5,540 (!) calories in physical activity. I averaged a net caloric intake of ~614 calories per day. As you can see, I met my exercise goal and exceeded it (goal was to burn 5000 calories this week).

You might expect that I had a fantastic result on the scale this week. If you do you either haven’t been coming around here long, or haven’t been paying attention. I lost a half pound. The math says I should have lost 2 at the very least. So, I stand by my previous statement about a slow metabolism and my disparaging comments about the Mayo Clinic (wankers). That brings my total this push to 7.5 pounds down. Woohoo I guess.

My coach says it’s probably a case of “the check is in the mail” and it’ll show up next week. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t. The thing is, when it is, I usually don’t get both weeks worth of payoff next week. And that’s some frustrating BS let me tell you.

To work SO HARD this week for so very little to show for it would normally be massively depressing were I not already battling some epic level depression this week. As it is, there really wasn’t much further for things to drop emotionally, so I was like, “Mmm hmm. Sure, why not?” when I stepped off the scale.

My plan for the coming week is to scale it back a bit. Obviously reaching new highs on the exercise portion of the equation is not helpful, so I will reel it back a bit to a level that has worked before. I think that 3500 to 4000 calories per week is really my “sweet spot” where exercise is concerned. It’s the level where my body needs to be to maintain or lose. Going much higher hasn’t produced desirable results so that’s an experiment I don’t need to repeat.

Other than that – please send cute pictures of kittens. Bunnies or puppies would also be acceptable.

First Week Results

I know you’re all dying to know how I did this week. I did great! I stayed on my program without a single slip! I had 48 servings of fruits/veggies! I had 36 meal replacements. I burned 3,795 calories in physical activity (the minimum is 2000, so I blew that minimum out of the water!). I averaged a net caloric intake of ~800 calories per day (that’s net – total I was averaging 1300-1500 a day so quit clutching yer pearls it’s not a starvation diet).

And for all my efforts I was rewarded with a single pound loss. Added to the first half week loss my total loss so far is 2.3 pounds. Whoopdefuckindoo.


I am accustomed to seeing a big loss the first week. This was not that. This is possibly the smallest, most pathetic loss I’ve ever seen in the first week. This is depressing because it always slows down after the first week. :-O

I was super depressed about it for a while, but then I squared my shoulders and reminded myself that I signed on for 12 weeks, so I’m staying the course and keeping on target to see this bloody thing through for 12 weeks. Regardless of what I see on the scale.

In twelve weeks I’ll either have lost the 10-20 goddamned pounds I wanted to lose, or I won’t, but either way I certainly won’t have gained any weight in that time. I fucking hope. *crosses fingers*

I could definitely use your best pep talk though, if you have one spare lying around…

Week 18 Results

We’re well into transition now. This past week we were down to 3 meal replacements per day, starting tomorrow it’ll be 2 per day. That means we have to replace those with real food. Normally this would be great but the Optifast system of exchanges is so complicated and non-intuitive that I find it quite intimidating. I was just about able to keep things straight this past week, but the upcoming week…I just don’t know. I may have to staple the list of exchange units I’m supposed to eat each day to my forehead or something just to get through the day.

  • Change this period: -1 pound
  • Total change so far: -45 pounds
  • Current weight: 189.5 pounds

I didn’t expect or intend to lose another pound this week. I expected that with the added food (and the glass of wine I had Saturday night and Monday night) I’d be maintaining this week. The only thing I can put this loss down to is that there may have been a couple of days where the math and complexity of the system eluded me and I just threw up my hands and gave up and went hungry. I probably missed a couple of units of dairy here and there because I just don’t like skim milk and non-fat yogurt enough to have a cup of it each day. (Bad news: this week we’re supposed to add another exchange unit of dairy. Ugh.)

So I’m a little bit worried about the upcoming week. I think that maintenance programs that people are meant to follow for the rest of their lives should be SIMPLE and INTUITIVE. This is the opposite of that and I’m struggling to see how anybody could do this forever. I’m very much looking forward to being done here so I can go back to what I used to do when I was maintaining with HMR: 7-9 servings of fruits and veggies every day, writing down my calories, and burning at least 2000 calories in exercise each week. Hard to get simpler than that.