The Downill/Upward Slide

I haven’t posted in a while. My weight has been stable, I’ve been doing 24-hour fasts one or two days a week. I didn’t regain the 9 I lost when I did the 4-day fast, which makes me think it was real fat I lost, not just water.

I’ve also been struggling with loathing my body. I want to love my body, I just have SO much baggage – a whole lifetime’s worth.

This morning I went for a run and I was trying to focus on thinking about my entire journey, not just the last 10 years. Because over the entire arc of my life, things are looking pretty good. Over the last 10 years, I am NOT happy. Since I passed 40 it’s been a long downhill (or rather upward) trajectory. I gain weight and nothing I try seems to change it.

Yet, if I consider where I started (weighing ~400 pounds) I should be ecstatic – I’m still keeping 175 pounds off! I just want to be 25 pounds down from where I am. But nothing I do is working, now that I’m 43 my body simply won’t tolerate further attempts to lose. I’m tired of it all.

I do wonder if other people who have lost massive amounts of weight hit a similar wall. I think it’s hormonal. I wonder if others in my boat have a similar situation where they are able to maintain a huge loss for 10+ years but then once they hit 40 (or 50, or whatever their personal limit is) and suddenly the hormonal changes take hold and nothing they do can keep them from gaining a certain amount. At least I appear to be holding the line here where I am (for now). Maybe evolutionarily speaking, holding 25 extra pounds is something my body needs to do at this age? It doesn’t seem right to me, but there are so few people in my situation that it’s hard to have any basis of comparison.

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3 Responses to “The Downill/Upward Slide”

  1. Caron Says:

    Hey Laina,
    Another component, which you didn’t address in this latest post, is any medicine that you might take. It seems most of the medications can cause weight gain.
    I believe I’ve recommended this blog to you before, but just in case I haven’t, check it out. http://gardengirlkp.blogspot.com/
    She is a scientist and, like you, she has tried and is still trying different things to continue to maintain. I love her approach and how dedicated she is to staying healthy. Hope you like her blog.

  2. Karen Parrott Says:

    Yes! I have a really n=1 plan dialed in AND I’ve gone against medical advice (very, very safely with additional lab testing and deciding WITH my doctor what was and was not safe- she’s not thrilled but my Coronary Artery Calcium score is zero! ( LOL),

    WW advice (can’t follow a low fat plan), I do in fact lower my fat to closer to protein grams to lose weight, yet stay LCHF.

    against advice in Low Carb and Keto groups (can’t go too high fat for my health for the unlove of fat pants.

    against OA advice (can’t follow their crappy low fat food plans that would have me diabetic in about 2-3 months.)

    Against the advice of my $40 a month health care discount for remaining at goal weight (binge eating with grains, sugars, nuts and emulsifiers)

    Against the advice of other moderation weight maintainers- Yes, I can abstain and life a fantastic life medically and professionally.

    Against the advice of my MLM weight loss packet group (different than yours but I’m a single parent and cannot spend the money there anymore)

    The best things I do to maintain 5.5 years (only 70lbs, so less than a lot of folks) is to go against EVERYBODY and everything- while I take their best advice that does work for me and tell everyone later what works.

    Then change it up- a few years into menopause and I cannot eat the super high fat of Keto, yet I remain keto from the 17:7 fasting. So yes, I can be done, but being really comfy in self-experiementation, taking risks that are acceptable and beg, borrowing, stealing, and then letting everyone know what’s working for me, works for me.

    Your milage will vary. If I wrote a book, it would be called “Against Advice, with acceptable risk, I’ll tell you in year”. LOL. Hang iin there and it’s worth the effort to get back to your best weight- IMO. Since weight maintenance is hormonal and we don’t get risk based or the right advice for our individual results, we are left to n=1 it to the MAX!!! With risk, there is reward. Take care.

  3. Figgy Says:

    I think keeping 175 pounds off is excellent. I’ve kept off most of the weight I lost on Optifast, followed by becoming a whole food plant based eater. I lost 95 pounds over the course of 9 months. Over the holidays my weight crept up 10 pounds, and I struggled with it for another 6 months. By the way, I’m 55 years old. Then, I decided to do a week of OptiFast, and right away 6 pounds came off. During that week, I made a plan for the following week, which was to limit my calories to 1250 per day. I don’t always manage to keep to the 1250, but the most I go over is 200 calories, on days where I walk 5 miles (that’s my new rule). I don’t do strenuous exercise, except hiking up hills on occasion. I’m really happy to say this seems to be working for me, as I have lost another four pounds, and I’m back to minus 95 total pounds lost.

    I don’t know how many years you have kept off your 175 pounds, but I can tell you that most of the people I have seen from my group have gained most of their weight back. I heard from one that a couple have gone back for a second course of 30 weeks to re-lose the weight they lost from the first go around. So, it seems one really has to stay on top of their habits, emotions, and everything else that it takes to keep a significant weight loss from slipping away. And, everyone who is successful will have a different story of what worked for them. Except for one thing: We are all working hard at it!

    So, keep working at it, and love yourself, please.


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