The Blog Is a Lie

It used to be true – I used to be keeping those 200 pounds I lost off. I am not anymore. At this point I’m maybe keeping 150 pounds off. That’s not success, that’s failure.

So I’ve been failing. This last year has been a catastrophe. I put all my brutal effort and motivation into losing weight last spring and I got about 10 pounds down to around 207, and they came immediately back after I stopped being constantly on a diet and tried to live a normal life with occasional indulgences such as having dinner with friends once a week. Then I was at I what I considered to be the highest possible weight I could tolerate. That was 217.5. I seemed to hang out there most of last fall, but this year things have resumed their ever-upward drive. This morning I weighed myself after my 3 mile run, when I should have been at my lowest for the day – 224.5. I am a failure and I’ve been debating what to do about that for several weeks now.

My first instinct was to shut down the blog because I’m failing and I cannot tolerate pretending to you all that I am successfully maintaining a weight loss. I am not.

My second instinct was to come clean and let you all know that I am not doing the thing promised on the label here. I am so, so tired of dieting and restricting and denying myself. I’m just bloody sick of it. And even while doing it anyway, I’m still gaining weight.

I exercise more than anybody I know, I restrict my diet more than anybody I know, and still I gain. Since I turned 40 I’ve steadily gained (except for those measly, hard-fought 10 pounds last spring) despite doing all the things I talk about here. So my suggestions and advice are clearly no good. Or not applicable to people over 40 years of age.

So I guess what I’m saying is, this is really hard, I’m not successfully doing it and haven’t been for a couple of years now, and I don’t know how to do it anymore. I emailed my primary care doctor this morning and asked if she had any suggestions, but I doubt anything much will come of that. The usual recommendations are not working so unless she has some super-secret special doctor solution for hard cases that they don’t publicize, I don’t expect much from that corner.

Rest assured that if you’ve been following me but quietly resentful about my prior success, your day has come. I am absolutely as miserable and despondent as I can be about carrying this much weight again.

I’ll let you all know if I come up with any kind of a solution, but in the meantime, I don’t really see any point to posting much here, since the premise of this blog is now a lie.

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16 Responses to “The Blog Is a Lie”

  1. Mary Says:

    Weight maintenance is exhausting, and it’s a forever struggle. It’s not like someone who lost 10 lbs and keeps fighting to keep off the last 2.5 … it’s a much bigger mountain you’ve faced. Our bodies have memories, and for the rest of our lives, we’ve got to fight that urge they have to return back to comfortably fat. So, you’re not where you want to be – but you’re far from failing. The fact that you’re so aware of your weight is a success in and of itself – you’re not resigned to “oh well, this is how it is,” you’re actively trying to stay better still! I’m still in awe of your success, as someone who kicked butt at weight loss but failed completely at maintaining, I am always inspired by how you recognize that you need to refocus and you set to it, rather than give in and regain it all like I did.

  2. vpescado (@vpescado) Says:

    Well after that update, it’s no longer a lie. It might be temporarily incorrect, but not a lie.

    I (and I suspect many others) have faith in you getting back to your target. It will be hard. But you are pretty damn tough.

    I also urge you to re-consider not walking away from the blog. A lot of people find blogs like this inspirational. If it’s all happy stuff about another day of success, it presents a skewed impression of the reality. It makes the reality seem that much more unobtainable to those who are fighting the same things. Setbacks happen. People deserve to know that so that when it happens to them, it isn’t hopeless. But show them what setbacks look like, and what it looks like to fight back and persevere and you will have made a real positive difference in someone’s life (and perhaps many lives).

    By coming out with the truth you demonstrate your integrity, by continuing to share your journey, you further demonstrate your strength.

  3. Angie Says:

    Keeping off over 100 lbs of weight loss is a fantastic accomplishment! It doesn’t have to be the full 200. Just know that you are not back where you started, and you do have a lot of good inspiration. I enjoy your blog.

  4. Rianh Silvertree Says:

    I love your blog, even a fail post. And while I am aware that you will probably get much advice from your followers, reading Jason Fung’s “The Obesity Code” is a game changer. Stay strong, you can do this. For you.

    From: Keeping Off 200 Pounds To: srianh@y7mail.com Sent: Tuesday, 14 March 2017, 5:06 Subject: [New post] The Blog Is a Lie #yiv5428180476 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv5428180476 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv5428180476 a.yiv5428180476primaryactionlink:link, #yiv5428180476 a.yiv5428180476primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv5428180476 a.yiv5428180476primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv5428180476 a.yiv5428180476primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv5428180476 WordPress.com | Laina posted: “It used to be true – I used to be keeping those 200 pounds I lost off. I am not anymore. At this point I’m maybe keeping 150 pounds off. That’s not success, that’s failure.So I’ve been failing. This last year has been brutal. I put all my brutal effor” | |

    • Laina Says:

      Thanks for the tip! I just ordered a copy of that book, education is always good, and I hadn’t heard of this one before. Thanks! -Laina

  5. Karen Williams Says:

    I doubt you’re going to quit, since you are so much not a quitter. This is the “brief setback, in which the protagonist learns a new life lesson” part of the story, that’s all.

  6. Allison Says:

    Imo, maintaining a load of 150 still proves you’re doing it and there are things to learn from your behavior modeling!

  7. Catherine Says:

    Please please don’t give up the blog or the fight. I just recently started reading you. I’m fighting to reloose a loss from a previous stint with weight watchers. I love your blog posts and I feel such comradeship with you. You are amazing and you have accomplished so much already.

  8. Sharon Says:

    I know the feeling. I lost a lot, regained and more, now am losing again – but on the drastic not-a-permanent-regime Optifast program. (http://sharonsolanodieter.blogspot.com/) I know the frustration, despair, recrimination involved when the scale goes the wrong direction, day after day, despite our best efforts. WHY can’t we lick this monster and get on with the more important things of life!? I don’t want my tombstone to read, “She spent her life dieting.” Sigh. But, I know it’s better to be where you are than where you once were, so agree with those above who say don’t give up. Your situation is complicated by health problems, medication, etc. and it’s a shame the medical profession can’t be more helpful.When you’re doing everything and nothing works, what next, right? I had a sliver of that feeling this week when I passed up so many eating opportunities to stay on (boring) diet shakes, only to have the scale only go down 4 oz. Seriously?? Our bodies are so uncooperative. But dammit, we will prevail. Sending good thoughts.

  9. Lynne Says:

    You just can’t stop blogging – that would be the failure. You are human. You lost weight and regained some… me too. It sucks! And it sucks that we have to restrict, journal, eliminate foods… but we do. And we move on. It’s hard. Please keep writing and sharing and do what you can to be kind to yourself. I have faith in you!

  10. Sharon Says:

    One thing you said really resonated, about how you “tried to live a normal life…” That’s how I often feel whether dieting or not. Why can’t I just have a normal life, a normal weight, eat like everyone else does without having to worry constantly? It doesn’t seem fair. But, sigh, as they say, life’s not fair. Dang it

  11. Caron Says:

    Your blog is not a lie in my opinion. I’ve been maintaining a 45 pound loss for almost 14 years, which is still a lot of work. Sometimes I rebel and go up on the scale, and for almost two years I was several pounds above my goal weight due to stress eating related to my job. I have discovered for myself that something that worked in the past can stop working. For me, it is more than eating less and moving more.

    I read a blog called Garden Girl which is very interesting. The lady is a scientist and approaches the whole thing from that angle. What works for her doesn’t work for me, but I’ve watched her navigate weight loss, maintenance and even menopause successfully. You might want to take a look. 🙂 http://gardengirlkp.blogspot.com/

    Hang in there. I’m pretty sure you will.

  12. Trystan Says:

    I’ve read the blog Dress A Day (https://dressaday.com/) for years. She hasn’t blogged about a dress every day — or even the “nearly every day” of her subtitle — for a long time. But she’s still going, & she’s even published 2 books based on her blog. So nobody cares what the blog is titled, FWIW.

    Also, keeping off a strict number of pounds is a lie. Bodies are malleable, fluid things, not algebra problems. We are made of water & chemicals, we are effected by age, gender, & more. Keeping up a healthy lifestyle isn’t a lie, & you do that better than anyone I’ve ever known. Keeping a healthy attitude about your body is a lifelong struggle at any size is complicated but worth more of an effort than focusing on a magic number (or blog url), IMNSHO.

    • Laina Says:

      Your comment has given me a lot to think about over the last few days. I wanted to thank you for the wise counsel and let you know that it really hit the mark for me on this. So, thanks!

  13. Angela Saver Says:

    I love your blog and you really keep us all motivated. You are NOT a failure and have been so successful. We all have ups and downs, so please keep your head up & practice positive self-talk. We’re rooting for you!!


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