I just finished up about a month of near-constant business travel. I gave myself a pass, in a sense, because I was tired of berating myself for every decision I made. I decided to just do the best I could given the circumstances at hand, then worry about dealing with a gain once I was at home and better able to control my environment.
So yeah, my slacks are a touch snug now. But also? I’m sick of berating myself.
I was looking back through some old pictures recently, and I realized that at every stage of my life I’ve berated myself for the state of my body. I’ve always thought I was too fat or too pudgy or too wide or too whatever. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the fact that on every happy occasion I have pictures of, I can remember also the little voice in my head telling me I should have dropped 10 or 20 pounds. That I am too big and need to work harder, I should be able to get down to a lower weight. And every time, I look at the picture now and I think, “I looked great then, why did I think I was fat? Why did I think I was too big? Why couldn’t I see myself as I was?”
I’m sick of it. I want to turn it off. I want other women to stop saying the same things about their bodies. Not just in front of me, but at all. Stop. Can we all make a pact to just stop judging ourselves? To accept who and how we are and if we need to lose a few, do it, but stop with all the body hate. I want to appreciate myself, and think I look fine RIGHT NOW. Not in hindsight, looking back at a picture 3 years from now.
I am saying this for myself as much as anybody else. No more calling myself a pig or fat or any other negative thing, in my head or out loud. We’re all a work in progress. We’re all doing the best we can.
Honestly I don’t even know how to stop it, it’s like this stupid voice in my head that has its own power source. Time to rewire the brain and turn that off. I am ready to be happy in my skin now. I am going to work to be happy in my skin now. If this is something you struggle with too, join me?