Still Alive

I am, I’m still alive, I just feel like I wish I weren’t. It’s been a really, really rough week. Last Friday (a week ago now) I started feeling kind of bad. My husband and I had walked down the road to a carnival which had sprung up in an open lot, to ride some rides and generally be goofy kids on a date. On the walk home I started feeling really weak and dizzy and generally bad. I was coming down with a cold.

At the same time, my beloved cat of over 13 years was making all the signals that he was pretty much giving up the ghost. He’s had a heart condition for about 2 years now, and his heart was done. Sunday night he passed away.

They say sorrow can suppress the immune system and make sickness worse…well, I’d have to agree. I’ve spent the whole week being bowled over by alternating waves of grief and pain. I don’t think that, on its own, this was a particularly bad cold, but in combination with the grieving and sadness it has completely knocked me off my feet. I took Monday off from work, and worked from home the rest of the week but honestly…I don’t think I was bringing much value. The week was a blur of pain and misery. There were a couple of times where I knew I had meetings I needed to call into but instead I…was asleep. And couldn’t muster the determination to really care. I will likely have a lot of catching up to do on Monday. I am fortunate that in my position I am allowed the latitude to have and then make up for a very bad week.

Weight this morning: 182.

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3 Responses to “Still Alive”

  1. disappearingwoman Says:

    I’m so sorry about your kitty. I lost my 12 year-old kitty about 5 months ago. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  2. Anne Adams Says:

    Sorry to hear about your illness and your loss. I know getting another cat/kitten won’t replace the one you lost, it never does, but it will definitely shorten the grief period. After losing two 15-year old cats a week apart I wasn’t going to rush into getting another one. I lasted ten days before I adopted two kitten sisters and it took away the heaviness I felt in losing my other two babies..it really did. PetsMart usually has a good selection of cats as well as kittens who need a loving home. Something to think about.

  3. Christy Says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are ill to boot. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and allow yourself to get stronger. Thank you for your wonderful blog.


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