Stupid little voices

In good news, there appears to be one confirmed way I can run without my back hurting: On the treadmill. My run Thursday night at the hotel gym left me feeling great with no ache. In bad news, I loathe the treadmill. So that’s not optimal. Fine in a pinch but not something I can make myself do every day. However, it gives me hope that I can find a substrate to run on that won’t hurt me, like grass or dirt, maybe. More experimentation is needed.

Coming up in about an hour: I leave for my first Mud Run 5K. I have no idea what the obstacles may look like (and have a slight fear of heights/falling), so I find myself feeling a bit anxious as my old schooldays fear has crept up on me, that little voice in my head: What if I am the weakest link? I have never been one for team sports because I’d always been the least fit, least athletic person around back when team sports were foisted upon us in school. It was always humiliating and depressing to be the one who “let the team down.” My team for the run today is made up of go-getter Type-A women who all play hard and I’m just…someone who’s been dreadfully out of shape all summer and is just now starting to get back into running again and having some trouble with it. I hope I don’t let the team down. It’s supposed to be all for fun so I’ll rely on that and remember we’re all friends and nobody is judging me (but me).

I signed up for a challenge and to try something new and different, and boy will I be getting that! I’m going to overcome this small, stupid fear and do it. All right, time to get ready to get muddy.

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One Response to “Stupid little voices”

  1. Karen Williams Says:

    Go, Mudder! You’ll do great. (And if not, everyone else will be so focused on their own performance, no one will notice.)

    I’ve accepted that I will always be the worst person in my yoga class. It’s very freeing.


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