Today it’s all about the details to make my next step happen. I’ve attended the mandatory orientation, tomorrow I’ll get an EKG and blood draws. Monday I’ll meet with a doctor for a thorough health evaluation to determine if I can actually join the program.
Yes, I’m joining a program. A medical weight loss program.
I’ve thought long and hard about what I need to be successful, and despite my long and arduous journey so far, the thing that enabled me to be successful for real the first time, 10 years ago, continues to be the thing that I need to be successful. Full stop.
I thought that maybe because I managed to cruise-control my maintaining for so long (I got about 9 years there) I would eventually be able to manage my own weight, without an external program or structure. I thought that eventually it would become habit and I wouldn’t need any special accountability but it turns out, when people say it’s a lifelong commitment, a lifestyle change, that’s for real. Completely, cross my heart and hope to die, REAL.
For me that means that I need guard rails, I need external accountability, and I need structure, probably for the rest of my life. I’ve tried doing it on my own and that just leads to constant starting and stopping of a diet program. I mean, reading back through my posts here over the last couple of years, every few weeks I was “recommitting” to my program, and every few weeks I had fallen off the path again. I could get 3-5 days of good, solid habits but then…off the path. Without the accountability of getting on a scale in front of a stranger, I couldn’t make myself stay on program. I couldn’t deny myself the things I wanted when I wanted them. With a husband who had no particular stake in helping me stay on course, there was no way I could succeed.
So the result of my months of pondering into what it’s really going to take this time is that it’s going to take, this time, what it took last time. I need to join a program, pay the fees, go every week and get the support I need. I need a program to tell me EXACTLY WHAT I CAN EAT, no exceptions and no straying. I need my husband to do the same, and he is enthusiastically on board, as he has the same amount to lose as I do (although I know he’ll get there faster, men and their fast metabolisms…).
I still have doubts, occasionally, that I’ve broken my metabolism with my 10 year diet odyssey, but the only way to find out is to sign up and commit to finding out. And, I try to remind myself that the first time I signed up for a program like this, over 10 years ago, I didn’t believe it would work either because I’d tried almost EVERY weight loss plan on the market already and failed at them.
In my corner, I have the knowledge that this program is EXACTLY the kind of program on which I have proven myself to be very successful in the past. Just a couple more weeks until I begin.