Jury Duty really knocked my program out of whack, as when I got home every evening I was completely and utterly wiped out. The emotional toll that sitting jury for a murder trail would take was a complete surprise to me. Now that the case is over, I’ve got a few spare cycles in my brain, and the conclusions I’m coming too aren’t the best thoughts to be having for motivation.

As I told you, I started off January with a bang, tracking my food, dieting hard, exercising as much as I could possibly fit into my schedule. What I found was that I dropped about 7.5 pounds in the first two weeks, and thereafter I was up 2 pounds no matter whatย  I did. It seemed that the stricter I was with my diet (I was averaging 950-1000 calories net per day) I was not going to drop down below the 5.5 pound loss I’d seen. I wandered around up above that number for several weeks, despite stricter and stricter regimens, but no luck.

What it seems I’m learning is that there is nothing I can do to lose any more weight. And the difference between denying myself and feeling hungry all the time, vs being lax and enjoying food and free time is: about 3 pounds.

09 Feb 2013

09 Feb 2013

It’s hard to stay motivated with this kind of feedback. Also, I look fine – here is a picture my husband took this weekend. It’s hard for me to kill myself with strictness and discipline when I feel like it’s not getting me anywhere and where I am now is just fine.ย  I may have to re-evaluate just how necessary it is for me to even bother.

I don’t really know that I have a point here. I guess I’m just extremely dispirited and wondering if what I’m finding is a valid realization: could I just settle and be fine with my body without being strict with it one day? Recognizing that I’m never going to be a size 10 or even 12 ever again?

Maybe I’m deluded. My BMI says I’m overweight – significantly, even. Yet I’m not sure how much more I could do to change that. I’ve already seen that all the effort in the world doesn’t seem to make a difference. Have I reached the mythical (and possible fallacious) “set point”? I’m not even sure I believe in it, but it seems to believe in me. Or maybe what I’m seeing is the culmination of 10 years of harsh dieting regimens. Maybe what I’m seeing is my body demonstrating “Diet Fatigue” and just saying Enough is Enough. I just don’t know but it’s something I’ve noticed over the last several years – severely diminishing returns upon every attempt to lose. I’m not sure if I have a path forward, or if I even need one.


12 Responses to “Demotivating”

  1. stephenedwards425 Says:

    Okay Laina, here comes some unsolicited advice…maybe you’re just fine where you are at…hubby’s happy, you look fine in the photo, nobody is calling you blimpie…could it be that regardless of what BMI says…or anyone else for that matter…that you are perfect right where you are?

    Just a thought…but I know you are a bright, intelligent woman with the ability to “see” beyond the usual rhetoric fog that gets thrown our way.

    Susie and I send you and yours much love and many blessings.

    Be encouraged!

    • Laina Says:

      I think that’s where I’m kind of heading.
      I guess I’m just having a hard time with the concept because I’ve been working so hard for so long on my diet and exercise that to NOT work hard on it is a little scary. Also, I’ve always had it drilled into me that I’m going to need to be vigilant For The Rest Of My Life. But now I find that the difference between being vigilant and not is…negligible.
      Thank you for your kind words, I will certainly keep them in mind as I continue mulling this over… ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. allthingsboys Says:

    All I can say is, wow! I don’t know, but if I’d had to guess from the photo, I’d have said you were a size 8. I think if we cut too many calories our bodies begin to preserve. It could be a temporary plateau. I don’t believe in starving, I think that sets us up for failure. I think time and patience and healthy eating are key. 900 calories seems strict to me, but I don’t know your age or anything else and those things make a difference. I think you look lovely in the photo, but understand listening to the BMI advice. I think I would just slow down slightly, and view it as a slowly progressing thing. Good luck!

    • Laina Says:

      Well, couple of things to keep in mind: When I say 950-100 calories NET that means I actually consumed around 1300-1400 and I exercised 400-500 calories worth that day. So I don’t consider 1400 calories to be extreme in any way, shape, or form.
      And yeah – I’m more of a size 16, but I’m 6 feet tall so I wear it pretty well. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thanks for your comment!

  3. Anne Adams Says:

    I know how disheartening it can be to work so hard and not see results. I’m currently in phase 2 of the HMR program maintaining a 78 pound loss on the decision free plan. I remember being told by my health educater in class that “more is better” when trying to lose. I don’t know if you were taught that it not but there is such a thing as eating too little, causing your body to hang on to the weight because it thinks it’s starving so it hangs onto the weight to survive. Do you think your calorie count was too low and this is what is happening? Especially if you were doing a lot of PA, which is good, but combined with a low calorie intake it could have thrown you’d body into this survival mode. I think your feeling hunger may be an indication of this. I was always taught that you’re not supposed to feel hungry on this diet do if you did maybe you weren’t eating enough. It’s just a thought.

    • Laina Says:

      Again: When I say 950-100 calories NET that means I actually consumed around 1300-1400 and I exercised 400-500 calories worth that day. I donโ€™t consider 1400 calories to be extreme in any way, shape, or form.

  4. Anne Adams Says:

    By the way, I forgot to tell you that you look great!!

  5. snapshotstacy Says:

    I think you look amazing. You’ve always been my “weight loss hero”. Often on my journey, I said I wanted to be like you. Knowing where I came from and knowing where I need to go. The hard part is knowing when you’re there. And learning to be happy with where you are can be a whole ‘nother challenge!
    And remember, darlin… BMI is bullshit. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Trystan Says:

    You know the BMI is just one, arbitrary measurement cooked up in the 19th century & better applies over large populations, if anything, right? Since you want data, why not track your blood pressure or cholesterol, since those are decent measures of health? Or how about set exercise goals instead of weight goals? Miles run/biked or speed, weight lifted or reps, precise yoga poses achieved, etc. Focus on what your body can do & how you feel.

    That’s still maintaining without nitpicking weight. You can be healthy without being one specific weight or even in a different range than you may be used to. Geez, you eat far more healthy foods than anyone I know, you exercise like crazy, & always look great! So what if some numbers aren’t what they were? I seriously doubt you’re sliding back to how heavy you used to be. Again, you can track your health & you’ll see if you ever are going that far. But you’re not.

    (Fwiw, by the BMI, I’m morbidly obese – you’ve seen me recently, do I look it? I don’t think so, & I don’t care.)

  7. Caron Says:

    I love the photo and you look great to me. My husband is having the problem of eating less and not being able to lose. He rarely does any exercise even though I try to lead by example. Still, back in 2003, he could lose weight so easily and now he is doing good if he loses a half pound a week being very careful. He thinks it is mostly just getting older. Maybe, but I’m two years older than him. Not sure.

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