I’m back from vacation. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I mentioned a few weeks ago – am I broken? Did I break my metabolism? Am I truly at a point where I can no longer drop these pounds that I’ve picked up over the last 3 years?
I’ve come to three conclusions in all my mulling. One of them is about my constant migraines. After tracking for the 3 weeks I was on vacation and finding I had 8 of them in that time, I’ve decided to give a migraine-prevention regimen another try. But that’s neither here nor there regarding weight loss and management.
The other two conclusions I’ve come to are more related to my weight management issues. As I’ve mentioned before, the anxiety level at my workplace is insanely high, and I’m not sure at this point if it’s because it is, in fact, warranted or because my body is now having a reaction because I’m primed to be anxious when I arrive there, of just starting to pump out the anxiety hormones when I go to work. So I’m going to seek counseling about my work-induced anxiety, which I think will have some positive influences around my ability to manage my weight, as well.
The final conclusion I’ve come to is that I can’t know if I’ve broken my ability to lose weight for sure until I give it a serious, controlled-setting, all-in try. So I’ve decided to start a full-blown, strict, hardcore diet program of the type that I’ve had success with in the past. I’ll be sticking to 900-1100 calories a day, mostly shakes and portion-controlled entrees. I use HMR, if you’re curious, however for the record, as I’ve stated many times, what works for me may or may not work for anybody else. YMMV.
So I started that regimen yesterday. It’s a hard start, definitely a cold-turkey sort of approach. The first few days are always a bit rough, as my body adjusts to the new diet. I get headaches, fatigue, hunger, etc, but that tails off pretty quickly after a few days. I’m not sure how long I’ll be following this program, right now I’m thinking a month, but I can’t be certain. What I know is that I want to lose about 16-18 pounds. I came back from my vacation 1 pound up (pretty darn good!) from where I left, and I decided while on vacation that I’m not happy with the weight I’ve been maintaining for the last few years and I’ve been letting it slide because of the work situation – but I want to be at 190, not 200. So I’m going to aim to get there.
I’m hoping that this will allow me to know whether or not I’ve broken myself fairly quickly. At this level of intake I should lose about a pound a week consistently, maybe a little over. The first week will see a higher loss, but after that I expect to see steady loss. If I don’t, well…then I know I’m doing everything right and something’s not working. And I don’t know what then.
I’m trying to not see this as a failure – my failure to maintain my weight over the last few years. I know, intellectually, that it’s a constant battle and sometimes you just have to do a reset. That’s what I tell myself – I’m just doing a reset on my habits and lifestyle. But sometimes, I wish like crazy I was one of those people that didn’t have to work so hard at managing my weight. I wish I could eat right and exercise and everything would work out fine.
But as I’ve long since accepted, this is my Sisyphean task in this life.
I read somewhere that putting pictures in blog posts makes them more interesting, so here are some pictures from Greenland last week. It’s incredibly, fantastically gorgeous there. Pictures don’t really do it justice.