Focus on Today

Today I did the usual things I do: Packed my lunch, didn’t deviate from my plan, didn’t eat any of the candy still hanging around the office. I have an appointment to go to the gym after work for strength training that I will keep. Tonight I’ll have a portion-controlled dinner and maybe a walk.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how sometimes it seems so unfair that I have to work so hard to keep my weight under control. I asked my doctor once, when I was in a medically-monitored weight loss program, if I would ever be like a normal person in this regard, or if I would have to pay attention to my weight like this forever, and he looked at me helplessly, shook his head and said, “Sorry.”

I was briefly angry and resentful about it, but I came to the realization that there’s no point being angry. There’s nobody to be angry at. Being sad about it won’t change my reality. So I accept this reality and get on with it.

But even more importantly, since that day I’ve really embraced the attitude that WHY I eat is not nearly important as WHAT I eat. I’ve never really thought that spending a lot of time in therapy figuring out why I overate most of my life was a worthwhile exercise for me. It doesn’t help me control my portions, it doesn’t make me less hungry, so in practical terms it gives me nothing. I’m not sure I’m normal in that regard – I just don’t care why, unless that will magically give me the tools and skills I need. For me, it’s just more important to focus on my day-to-day skills and behaviors and leave the theory for the researchers.


3 Responses to “Focus on Today”

  1. Princess Dieter Says:

    I accepted last year, when I decided to really give weight loss a total commitment push, that even if it meant giving up some of my fave foods forever, I’d do it. And I have learned that dieters (folks who lost a lot of weight) have different hormonal/metabolisms. Changes occur. Not in our favor in many ways. The body really wants to get fat again. We fight it… some way(s). It’s a reality I tell folks. Accept it. You’ll never be able to go back to old eating patterns and you will have to be vigilant, likely till you die.

    I am trying to see what hope science may offer, so I stay on top of research as much as time allows online, reading the blogs of doctors/researchers/scientists/etc who have competing theories, because, ultimately, some helpful stuff may emerge to help us “heal”.

    I’m trying to do that now. See if I can heal the meta and eat more. Not eat more junk. Just eat more like “normal/never dieted/never obese” folks. If it works, hurrah. If not, well, than I just am where I expected to be from the start–ever super vigilant.

    But I keep the hope that healing can come. Call me an optimist in that regard. Hope against the odds.

    Happy day to you, L.

  2. Yoko Olsgaard Says:

    Keep going, Laina! I’m doing it day by day too and have a contest with myself to see how high I can get the number of days I stay on track. If I fall off, I reset the counter and it’s a new contest with myself. For me, the object is to get the number to trend up over time. Steady would be nice, but I’ll take a trend upward any day. It’s a daily struggle for me too. My foot pain isn’t helping at all, but being able to take this one day at a time is good.

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